Yvette's Inner Geek Blog

You’ll never believe what I’m doing today.

I am working on innergeek.us and going through geekmaster emails that have long been neglected. Which mostly means deleting all the spam.

Occasionally, there are curious emails about specific questions on the geek test. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the fact that people still email me when the site and test are clearly outdated, but just how exactly am I supposed to respond to emails like this?

Hi,
one of the questions in the geek test is "I have looked forward to dissecting a frog, pig, etc.".  Perhaps you didn’t notice, but relatively a large percent of the geeks are vegetarian, or close to be ones. So I afraid that this is not so good question.

I guess I should put that one on the list of crazy emails I’ve received in the past.  It’s not really crazy… just weird. I would argue that geeks are more likely to be meat eaters than vegetarians. Feel free to leave your own thoughts in the comments. 

In other news, the whole ansty situation of what does my website mean in conjunction with what does my life mean and will I ever be a writer is really getting on my nerves, and maybe this is the finally-somewhat-like-spring-weather talking, but I’m ready to do something about it. With baby steps, I think, to prevent an insta-overwhelm.

Of course I still need to finish up my taxes and get that off my shoulders by Tuesday. Blech. Normally I love figuring out taxes (nerd alert), but this year it’s a little more complicated and it’s making me nervous that I’m going to screw it up. And that’s just asking for procrastination… 

When I was growing up, I had a friend who was born around Christmas but always had a half-birthday party in June. The concept of a half birthday fascinated me, mostly because it had never occurred to me that there was a point in every year when I could officially start including the "half" in my age.

My parents didn’t think my half-birthday was anything worth celebrating, but still. It was exhilarating to say "I’m nine and a half" and know for certain that the extra half year could be mathematically proven.

Well, today is my half-birthday. It’s been a long time since I included the "half" in my age when asked. I’m not having a party and I’m not extraordinarily excited about the day, but I can’t let April 9th pass without remembering that it’s the halfway mark to my next birthday.  

Which today means that I have 547 days left in my twenties.

(I started counting days to milestones on my thirteenth birthday. "Only 1,095 days until I turn sixteen, Mom and Dad!  Aren’t you excited?!")

Many of my friends are around my age and are dealing with turning thirty in their own ways. Some are more affected than others, which I suppose is to be expected. Ben took it pretty hard last October, but I think he’s easing into it a little more now.

My life now is much different than I imagined it would be ten years ago, but not really in a bad way. I wonder how I’ll feel in six months with I hit T minus 365 days.

I have an early morning meeting at work today, and therefore not enough time to drink coffee and fully awaken before I leave home. So instead of writing anything interesting, profound, or lame, I will share a YouTube video that I came across last night!

The creators named it "Mario: Game Over." If I were in charge of naming this live-action interpretation of Mario and Friends in the Real World, I might call it "Mario and His #@$!&*! Mushrooms."

Uh, don’t turn the sound up if you’re at work…

Unlike children, cats won’t repeat what they hear. Normally I just grunt my grumpiness in the morning, but I actually went to bed before midnight last night so the swearing started early.

"Get the HELL away from me." (to Loki after my first alarm went off)

"Mother fucker!" (to Loki, still before my second alarm went off, while trying to shove his purring, drooling, 21-pound dead weight off the bed)

"Get your head out of the fridge, stupid." (to Isis, our recently picky eater who tries to get her head and/or tail and/or body slammed by the fridge as many times a day as possible)

"Stop chewing on my shiznit." (to Phoebe, who likes to sleep on my desk but has a slight obsession with chewing paper) 

Things aren’t going as well for me this weekend as I would have liked them to. That’s about as personal as I feel like being today.

Watching "Shakespeare in Love" on DVD gave me a little inspiration to write, at least. 

May 3, 2008 is less than a month away.  

It’s a day that falls between my wedding anniversary and our started-dating anniversary (not that we’ve celebrated that since we got married). The date combination is the same as the Cincinnati-based banking institution 5/3 Bank. The date’s translation into 1337 is May e, zoob (which sounds Latin). 

1. Visit your local comic book store for free comics and swag in honor of Free Comic Book Day
2. Visit your local scrapbook store in honor of National Scrapbooking Day
3. Go to Louisville, KY for the Kentucky Derby (or watch it on TV) (if you go to Louisville, be sure to see the Louisville Slugger Museum & Factory with the huge bat on the outside)
4. Go see the racehorse documentary "The First Saturday in May" (which ironically opens in theaters on April 18th)
5. Go to a local SCA event
6. Go to a baseball game
7. Spend the day playing the newly released Mario Kart (Wii)
8. Spend the day playing the newly released Grand Theft Auto IV (PS3, XBOX 360)
9. Begrudgingly ignore everything and work, do homework or work on your house all day
10. Ignore everything and sleep all day

For me, numbers 1, 6, 7 and 10 sound like attractive ideas. What about you? Am I missing any events or plausible choices here? I don’t know why, but it seems like now is a good time to start planning what you’re going to be doing on May 3rd. 

I originally wrote this post on Friday morning, but lost it in another retarded instance of Movable Type software being an asshole. So I had to rewrite it and get the links again and post it late. But I left the original "publish" date because dammit, that’s when I wanted to post it! 

How could I not delight with the title of this article on BBC.com?

Daily caffeine ‘protects brain’

Coffee may cut the risk of dementia by blocking the damage cholesterol can inflict on the body, research suggests.

The drink has already been linked to a lower risk of Alzheimer’s Disease, and a study by a US team for the Journal of Neuroinflammation may explain why.

A vital barrier between the brain and the main blood supply of rabbits fed a fat-rich diet was protected in those given a caffeine supplement.

Can I get a big HELL YEAH? This is stuff I definitely want to believe. Also, the quote a little later on: "This is the best evidence yet that caffeine equivalent to one cup of coffee a day can help protect the brain against cholesterol" means that I am taking the right step to avoid ever having to go on statins or whatever other miracle drug of the future they’ve created to lower the is-it-genetics-or-just-freedom-fries surge of cholesterol in Americans today.

Now can just come up with an alternative to Splenda for prevention of high sugar intake that contributes to Diabetes? I’m not a huge afficionado of straight sugary things (like hard candy or even candy bars) and I drink black coffee 99% of the time, but I know that I probably eat more sugar than I should in brownies, ice cream, soy milk, etc. I don’t mind Nutrasweet/aspartame for the most part, but Splenda is Teh Enemy in my book. Too sweet and such a bad aftertaste.

Also, if Coca Cola ever starts making Diet Coke exclusively with Splenda instead of aspartame, they will have to answer to my wrathful rage, bitches. It’s bad enough that I just have to watch for that evil, happy-yellow/white/blue logo on my precious gray and red 12-packs of caffeinated sody-pop. It actually burns my skin if I touch the box, I swear.

Okay, maybe I shouldn’t swear until after this little first thing in the morning caffeine buzz calms down a little.  But boy, I feel good right now!

Except that I really have to publish this post and go to the bathroom stat… 

I had a refreshing opportunity to participate in an April Fool’s prank today at work. I’m not a huge prankster, but I can hold a straight face when I need to…

My manager and one of my coworkers have been playing jokes on a woman, a friend and former customer, for about five years. Most of the jokes are akin to convincing her to watch an online video where a scary monster suddenly jumps out and scares the crap out the viewer… but today they asked me to call her from the company phone with a trickster scenario in which I masqueraded as a member of the accounting team. I took on the persona of an uncaring, hard-nosed customer service employee, based of course on actual experience (thank you, Stanislavski).

This phone call was (by some magical feat of corporate technology) put on muted speakerphone in a nearby cubicle so that others could listen and was simultaneously recorded to our voice mail system. Names have been censored to protect the victim and my job.

Me: Hello, is this Ms. M——–?
Her: Yes, it is.
Me: Hi, this is Yvette from [company] and I work in accounting. I’m in charge of monitoring fraudelent activity on eBay. The reason I’m calling is that there has been some suspicious activity that has been linked to your account.
Her: What? I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t even have an account—-
(I just keep talking over her while she’s protesting)
Me: There are eight [products] listed on eBay under your account, and they need to be taken down or you may be subject to legal action for selling products without being an authorized retailer.
Her: But I don’t even have an eBay account!
Me: (sigh) Ma’am, we contacted eBay and they gave us your information directly. Now I do have to tell you that if you don’t take down those items then you may be subject to legal action.
Her: How can I take them down if I don’t even have an account?
Me: (sigh) Everybody says that.
Her: What account name is it?
Me: [her full name]?
Her: Spell it.
Me: E-X-A-M-P-L-E. One.
Her: I don’t even know what that is, but that’s not my account.
Me: I hear that all the time.  The thing is, our records show that these items match up with a recent purchase you made.
Her: But I’ve never had an eBay account! You’re being rude! I deal with [company] all the time.
Me: That actually raises another interesting question. I see that you’ve been getting a retailer discount when I don’t have you listed as an authorized retailer…
Her: This is ridiculous! You talk to [my manager] and he’ll tell you!
Me: (sigh) Look, I…
Her: It’s not me! I don’t have an eBay account! Talk to [my manager]!
Me: Let me get my manager on the phone, hold on. Just… hold on. (I pass the phone over)
My Manager: April Fool’s, [her name].
Her: … [MY MANAGER]!!! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!

She calmed down after a minute and took on the "you really got me good" attitude that my manager was hoping for. She had forgotten that it was April 1st, even though my coworkers apparently get her every single year.

I took the phone back briefly to apologize for being a part of the prank and she told me to punch my manager several times… and then she vowed to get him back and I offered my services.  I’d never met her before, but now I doubt she’ll forget my name in association with [company]. 

Because the call was recorded, it was played back a couple more times for people who’d missed the first time. I was surprised to hear my own voice sound as convincing as it did. If I can ever turn that into a sound clip, I will. It was exhilarating to be devious in the name of fun, even if I did really feel bad for causing an extreme case of blood boiling frustration in that poor woman.

I’ll edit the transcript to be more exact tomorrow… I know that it’s a little off the real thing. Also, I’ll see if I can format it to be easier to read.