I went back to the salon this morning and said that I wasn’t happy. I was basically handed over to the same stylist so she could fix her own job. After waiting a few precious minutes (I drove straight to a business interview after leaving), I told her what was wrong and that the fix needed to be quick. She aimed her scissors first at the back of my head, where there was still some semi-full hair below ear level, and I said NO, it’s the FRONT OF MY FACE that looks like ass. I didn’t say ass. I should have. There were a lot of things that I wanted to say but I was tired and stressed and residually polite. Damn my residual politeness.
My original haircut (the “cute” one) basically looked like one of these lovely ladies’ hairstyles, but with longer bangs. And flatter.
Scarlett is the only one who can even vaguely pull it off, but she’s Scarlett Fucking Johansson, you know? Anyway, this morning the stylist rounded out the thin, blunt, and poorly blended hair in the front of my face so that I feel less like Carol Brady, but I still don’t like it. It doesn’t feel like me, nor does it look like what I described to her. I’m usually pretty good with descriptions, for example: “a trim with some subtle layers and a blond chunk of hair in the front. I have fine hair that I want to look fuller without using a ton of product.” My hair was mostly the same length when I went in. I feel like this is a “Utah County Mom” hairstyle. You local people know what I’m talking about. Bleeeech.
I’m no fashion expert, but I’m pretty sure that seeing my neck through my hair does not constitute “fullness.”
I wasn’t wearing a helmet at all today! I swear!
Then again, Tina Fey pulled off something like it back when she was on Weekend Update. Except hers still looks better. Maybe I just need to wear my black plastic cat eye glasses with this cut and make sure that I’m always near a goofy retard. BUT WHAT IF I AM THE GOOFY RETARD.